


The Ties That Bind

by MarziWrites



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Jily - Freeform, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Mutual Pining, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Wartime
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:21:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23884429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarziWrites/pseuds/MarziWrites
Summary: Lily Evans is nothing if not tenacious in her beliefs. But when everything around her slowly unravels, she begins to think that perhaps she's been wrong about a lot of things lately...As the war draws nearer to Hogwarts, and the hunt for Muggleborns like herself bleed into the castle's sanctuarious walls, Lily realizes it's time to fight back - by any means necessary, and alongside those she had once fought against.And maybe, just maybe, she'll find something precious along the way.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 18
Kudos: 34





	1. Of Holding On and Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> So I've wanted to write my own version of James and Lily for the longest time, but it took a freaking global pandemic to actually compel me to do it. I have it all planned out, so it will be around 20 or so chapters, and I am going to remain as canon-compliant as possible! 
> 
> The first chapter is just an intro to the story, so there's not much plot there apart from what we already know. This story takes place after the Incident by the Lake, starting on the first day of their Sixth year. 
> 
> Without further ado...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new year begins at Hogwarts. Lily Evans stands up for herself and lets a toxic person from her past go, while James resolves to do the same (but it will be a tough one for this besotted fool).

** Wednesday, September 1st, 1975 **

**The Entrance Hall**

**7:15 PM**

“Here we go again.”

Lily’s head snaps up at Marlene’s irritated grumble and immediately spots what’s gotten her friend in a tizzy.

Her heart begins to beat rapidly in the way it’s done since the incident by the Lake at the end of last year; not in excitement as it used to do, but in apprehension of what kind of hurt he would bestow upon her this time.

She lets her eyes linger on his harried frame for only a moment before she pointedly looks over his shoulder and glides past him. Just when she thinks she’s gotten away without any form of contact, his cold palm wraps around her wrist and his voice pleads, “Lily, _please_.”

Lily spins around hastily and snatches her hand away, holding it to her chest as if to protect it from him. “Was I not clear enough at the station last year? Bugger off, Severus.”

His eyes, a swirl of deep black, pierce into her own, and he makes no attempts to conceal the desperation on his pale, sunken face. “You’re being stubborn, Lily. You _have_ to talk to me.”

“I don’t _have_ to do anything. Or are you too thick to understand that by now?”

She moves to walk away, Marlene flanking her side with a harrowing glare in his direction, but when he speaks again, his words a knife to her gut, she halts in her haste.

“You’re my best friend, Lily. You can’t just throw that away over one little word.”

Lily’s blood begins to boil, evidenced by the rushing of heat up her neck and into her cheeks, and as she turns to face him once more she vows to herself that this is the last she will ever give him the courtesy of her time and so she releases everything she’s been holding in since long before he butchered their friendship beyond repair.

“Make no mistake, you threw it away all on your own, _Snape._ And you’re right; it is a little word. But what it represents in you speaks bloody _volumes._ You’re so deep in your belief that my kind is not worthy of being here. You’ll happily watch as Muggleborns bleed to death as long as you still have my undeserved devotion. Why am I any different when I have the same blood running through my veins? I should have realized it a long time ago, but I was too blind by my misplaced loyalty to you to see what’s been there all along.”

She pauses, allows her words to sink in through his stubborn, dirty brain, before she goes for the kill. “I had your back for the longest time; I took your side against my own Housemates, I have given you the benefit of the doubt time and time again even when you were so clearly in the wrong, but really you’re not worth all the trouble and I’m beginning think you never were. You’re so disgusted by _Mudbloods_?” She spits the word out as though it were venom, taking pleasure in the pain that steadily grows on his features with every spoken hit, “Well, _this_ Mudblood is sick of standing idly by while you and your little friends terrorize us because of your vile, backward politics.”

She pulls out her wand with no real intention of using it, although he doesn’t know that, and gives him one last cutting stare, “Now, piss off before I _show you_ how powerful us Mudbloods can be.”

He doesn’t move, not an inch, as his pain-filled eyes study her intently, determining how real her threat really is, but eventually he sees something that convinces him of her utter sincerity and he scatters off into the Great Hall through the small crowd that had formed without her knowledge.

The moment he is out of her sight, Lily’s shoulders sag and her heart, which had been hammering erratically in her chest throughout the entire confrontation, finally abates. She sighs heavily, all the tension and heartache and anger evident in that single exhalation, and meets Marlene’s concerned gaze.

“One hour into the new school year and already you’re being harassed by one of your eager admirers. Not too long until the next one comes along, I bet.” Marlene jokes lightly, both all too aware of who it is she’s referring to, but there’s no real humor behind her words as they silently acknowledge the mighty step Lily had just taken away from her crumbling past; one more thing she is letting go of from her childhood.

“Yes, well. At least one of them has good intentions. _Mostly_.” Lily chuckles, determined to forget about the drama that had just unfolded. She glances around at the crowd that still remains, watching her, waiting for the moment she breaks, but she wouldn’t give them the satisfaction.

Lily's eyes land on the group of three that stand just before the doors of the Great Hall, observing her with varied reactions of amusement, apprehension, and concern, and she immediately takes note of the glaring absence of their fourth.

Her chest tightens as she realizes that perhaps this year her one admirer with the mostly good intentions would have no intentions left to give, and she is unsure of how to feel about this.

Relieved, she decides, but a rock settles in her stomach, almost a heavy weight that tells her quite plainly that something has changed, something she may have wanted at one time, his leaving her alone, but now craves the opposite, even if only to balm the painful abrasions her heart has collected over the years - some of the most painful of which she carries with her from four months back.

But as she glances around her, takes in the thinning crowds, the long lingering stares of some and glares of others, the retreating figure of someone who had once been her closest companion but now her rival - all due to the simple matter of bloodline -, the poignant tension in the air, and she realizes that a lot of things have changed.

Change is heavy in the air, and suddenly she's afraid of what the next few years will bring.

Lily swallows down the bile that suddenly rises in her throat and shakes her head of the last few minutes. She gives Marlene a tight smile, knows it’s not enough to convince her friend that she’s okay but that it’ll do until they are in the privacy of their dorm, and threads her arm through hers.

“Let’s go feast, shall we?”

**The Great Hall**

**7:07 PM**

James Potter is tired.

Not in the physical sense, the kind of tired you feel after a long, forceful game of Quidditch, but mentally, emotionally, _internally_ tired and it’s all because three short years ago his poor, weak little heart decided to fall for the wrong girl and refuses to let go.

He thought for sure the time away from Hogwarts and Lily Evans would give him the space he needed to relinquish this ridiculous, unrequited fixation he felt for the redheaded minx. And throughout the summer holidays, with all of the distractions one Sirius Black could offer, he was truly convinced he finally had.

After all, out of sight, out of mind… _right?_

But the moment he laid eyes on her small, willowy frame on the Platform as she hugged her mum and dad goodbye, all of those forgotten feelings slammed into him like a rushing of mighty winds, and he was once again drowning in her presence.

Yet, alongside that rush of affection came the anger which first reared its head at the end of last year and persisted throughout those long, hot months of _not_ fixating. Undeserved though she was, he couldn’t help but feel an irrational resentment towards her that certainly hadn’t existed before.

Until the incident by the Lake, they were quasi-mates despite their constant bickering, but that, it turns out, was the fight that would ruin all of the progress they had made to overcome their differences, miniscule though it was. And it was that very day that Lily Evans’s shortcomings became glaringly obvious to a besotted James Potter.

That was the moment he began to question whether the chase, the unrequited affection, the infinitesimal possibility of _more,_ was worth all the effort.

And so began his quest to sever the problem from the very source; removing Lily from his life and mind for the betterment of his sanity.

Which is why, as he saunters through the expansive doors of the castle alongside his mates and comes across a growing crowd surrounding Lily Evans and the tosser who wedged a rift between them for so long, he pointedly disregards the golden opportunity to showcase his affection and defend the woman that had stolen – and, as it goes, massacred to pieces – his poor, weak little heart and escapes into the Great Hall.

And that is where his mates, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew, find him not ten minutes later, stewing in his anger as he emphatically stares away from the doors in his wait.

“Wonder what sort of crock Dumbledore will string together in his speech this year. Any bets?” James jokes in a forceful tone, deliberately flouting the topic he typically would have obsessed over not even four months ago. 

His mates share a meaningful look, one that doesn’t go unnoticed by James, as they take their seats around him. 

Sirius claps his back with a chuckle, “You’re not fooling anyone, mate. Come on, out with it before that vein on your forehead bursts.”

James stares at Sirius blankly and raises his eyebrows, “Got nothing to say, Pads.” He watches as Sirius shares another meaningful look with Remus and rolls his eyes, “Enough with the looks. I’ve told you hundreds of times, _I’m over it._ So let’s talk about something else, shall we?”

Sirius snorts and shakes his head, “Pathetic, Prongs. You can’t—”

“Padfoot,” Remus interjects warningly. “Leave him be, will you?”

“ _Thank you_ , Moony.” James says with a tight smile, “So… Dumbledore?”

But Sirius would not be dissuaded as he intentionally gives Remus his back and continues as though he weren’t interrupted to begin with. “You can’t fool us into thinking you’re _suddenly_ over Lily Evans after years of fixation, mate. Your brooding all summer was bloody pitiful; your own _mother_ said so!”

“Merlin, Padfoot, he clearly doesn’t want to talk about this so let it go, will you?”

“Hush, Moony, I’m not talking to you.” Sirius replies loftily without removing his eyes from James, who is pointedly looking anywhere else in an effort to deter his best mate. After all, Sirius Black absolutely _detests_ being ignored. “You’re not the least bit curious what that was about back there, then?”

James stiffens in his seat, which is enough of an indication to Sirius that, _yes,_ he is curious, but his tenacity, always so unmoving, refuses to give way enough to affirm it.

“Well, since you’re _so_ _over it,_ as you say, you wouldn’t care to know that Evans properly put that arselicker in his place. But hey, since you’re so uncaring all of a sudden there’s no need to go into detail, is there?”

If James didn’t consider Sirius as close to a brother as he does, he would have tossed his friendship away long ago for his ability to say _exactly_ the right thing to push the right buttons and bridge his curiosity over the edge.

Just as he opens his mouth to admit defeat and ask for all of the sordid details, however, Peter’s high, wheezy voice urgently jumps in, “Incoming, lads.”

James clamps his mouth shut as he follows Peter’s gaze over his own shoulder, catching sight of Lily Evans and Marlene McKinnon strolling by their group. “Good summer, boys?” Marlene asks absently as she tosses her hair and throws them a smile. She’s clearly not expecting any responses because she doesn’t stop, heading instead towards the small cluster of girls sitting a ways down the Gryffindor table.

Lily deliberately avoids their eyes and passes them without a word.

James’s heart thumps heavily, painfully inside his chest as he turns back to face the table, and suddenly his abated anger returns tenfold.

As Dumbledore takes the podium to begin his speech, he meets Sirius’s gaze and bites out through gritted teeth, “I’m done talking about her, so you better fucking drop it, mate.”

Sirius raises his hands in surrender and sits back to await the feast, all the while thinking, despite his mate’s insistence, that he hasn’t let things go.

Not by a long shot. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr [here](https://marzi-writes.tumblr.com)


	2. Down the Rabbit Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same day, another row.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long absence, everyone! I had some mental health issues in the last few months and it's taken me a while to get back on track. I've sort of hammered down the details of this fic so hopefully the updates will come quicker!!

**(Still) Wednesday, September 1 st, 1975**

**The Great Hall**

**7:45 PM**

The Great Hall is aflutter with activity and chatter as friends and acquaintances alike partake in reunion after the long summer break. Laughter and excitement; heated conversations; whispers of unusual events that had taken place in wizarding hotspots; Lily takes it all in as she picks at her plate, occasionally bringing a bite of pork between her lips to appease the close eye of Marlene, apprehension still weighing heavily in her stomach.

She poignantly feels like she is bodily present but mentally removed from the space she occupies, and she absolutely despises this disconnect. The days where the first day of school brought her joy and peace is a thing of the past; where she would, back then, be part of the excitement and laughter and chatter. 

Her group of mates are no different. Marlene and Carolina are elbows-deep in an animated discussion regarding the multiple disappearances of affluent Muggleborns and Pureblood sympathizers over the holiday, Marlene acutely seated in the belief that the Ministry is turning a blind eye with all of its corruption; Carolina refutes this opinion, believes that they simply do not know where to begin in their investigation.

Emmeline sits a few paces down with a group of Fifth year girls whom she befriended late last year when strain seemed to infiltrate their unit of friends. Ever the serene, bubbly one, she is; avoider of all conflicts and occasional mediator when matters are simple enough.

This matter, unfortunately, is far from simple, and quickly drove her to find better company; not that they could blame her for it, really. 

Mary sits to Lily’s right, tension coiling the muscles in her back as she intently listens to Marlene and Carolina’s conversation, but Lily can’t help notice her eyes stray as though by their own accord to a group of unsmiling Slytherins across the way.

Lily turns away from the conversation, feeling a similar tension in her back at the topic she so readily wants to disregard, and gently elbows Mary in the side. Her friend jumps slightly at the contact and turns her wary eye to Lily.

“How was your break, then?” Lily asks with a small, tentative smile. Tentative because, as much as she dislikes the distance that had grown between the two in the last few months of fifth year and over the break, she had hopes that the summer had brought a calm, a forgiveness, perhaps even an understanding to her friend.

Mary drops her gaze from Lily’s and stabs at a piece of tomato on her plate rather roughly. “Fine,” She replies sharply, and Lily’s shoulders droop. Mary swallows as her eyes remain steadfast on a spot in front of her. “Hard. You know…”

Yes, Lily thinks gloomily, she knows all too well, regrettably.

Mulciber’s attack on Mary in a dark alcove in April had not only left her with a deep-seated fear of the Slytherins, a fear she carries with her even with their absence, but had also caused a cavernous rift between the two friends, anger taking hold of her usual kind personality. Mary holds on to the conviction that Lily, despite her best efforts to support her in the following days, could not straddle the line she had, up until then, been toeing; her friendship with Severus, someone who quite plainly began the descent from indifference to participation in matters of politics, and her loyal pillar as both a Gryffindor and a Muggleborn.

Admittedly, Lily had been in the wrong. She sees that quite naturally now; and if she is honest with herself, she had also seen it last year too, but she was too afraid for her friendship with her longest friend, too anxious of what it would mean for her should she sever that last tie she had to her childhood, to stand firmly on the side she rightfully should engage.

And so, while she offered Mary her support as her friend lay in pain, in fear, on a cot in the Hospital Room that dreadful day in April, she had also offered excuses. Not for Mulciber; no, never for that vile creature. But for Severus, whom Mary had claimed was present as she fell under Mulciber’s wand; who had stood devotedly by, watching with quiet amusement swimming in his eyes.

Lily had offered excuses, and oh how wrong she was to do so, because not only had she betrayed her friend; she had also, to a lesser extent, betrayed her own bloodline, her own _cause,_ and Lily had drowned in disgust for herself in her bedroom back in Cokeworth, day in and day out, abhorring her blindness to the injustices that surrounded her.

She does not blame Mary for her cold, distant regard of her, but she does wish more than anything to patch the broken pieces of their friendship – not by leaving the past behind them, but by acknowledging it, the wrongs she committed, and growing from it.

But Lily knows, deep inside of her, that it is not that simple. Mulciber’s wand may have left an acutely ingrained scar on Mary’s soul, but Lily’s betrayal sew graver than that, and she feels powerless in her attempts to fix it.

She must try, though. If not to abate her own guilt that eats away at her insides, but to recover a friendship with someone she holds dear to her heart. Someone she immediately connected with in this novel world they now live in, sharing in the newness of it. 

“I wrote you letters.” Lily says quietly as she fingers a fallen strand uneasily, facing her plate but keeping her gaze on Mary. She takes in her fidgeting, the slight shake of her hand, the discomfort that permeates the entire air around her, but plows on. “I had hoped… I had hoped we could get together over break and talk.”

Mary goes taut in her seat, and her gaze, holding so much anger, so much fire, finally lifts to hers, and Lily somehow knows she said the absolute wrong thing.

“Oh, you _hoped,_ did you?” Mary bites out through gritted teeth, “Well, Lily, as we all know, your hopes are usually quite unfounded. You _hope_ for things that are simply too out of reach.” Her eyebrows raise, almost tauntingly, pointedly, and Lily receives the message loud and clear.

Her hopes for Severus, for his enlightenment, was rather harshly thrown back in her face the day Severus had uttered that repulsive word. She was delusional to think her friendship could steer him away from the tempting darkness that fought so hard to pull him in, the darkness that had ultimately won the battle. 

Marlene and Carolina’s conversation comes to a screeching halt as they become aware of the conflict growing before them. Marlene quickly glances at Lily’s face, notes the gathering tears, and turns cautiously to Mary. “Love, maybe – maybe you should hear what Lily has to say. We all know just how much last year has affected you, and we will _always_ stand by you, no matter what, but it’s unhealthy to hold on to so much anger within you.” Marlene gives her a comforting smile and lightly chuckles, “And quite frankly, the tension in the dorm last semester was rather stifling for the rest of us. Perhaps clearing the air would be for the betterment of the group.”

Lily shuts her eyes as Marlene’s words registers, knowing that despite her best interest at heart her friend is never very good with words, and Mary would most certainly take it the wrong way.

And only a moment later, her thoughts are confirmed.

“Oh, pardon me for causing _so much tension_ for the group, Marlene.” Mary snaps, voice rising an octave as her fork clatters on her plate loudly, drawing the eyes of those around them to their rising dispute. “I’m sorry if my attack and _her_ ” – she spits the word with a sickened glance at Lily – “traitorous opinions are so inconvenient for the rest of you.” She shakes her head slowly and gathers her plate as she stands. “Of course you’d take her side. Merlin, silly of me to think that my feelings are more important than Saint Lily’s. If you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go sit with people that actually _care_ how I feel.”

With that, Mary marches off to where the Sixth year boys sit, eyes, like the rest of the table’s occupants and those sitting nearby, trained on them, and plops down next to Peter Pettigrew.

Lily groans painfully and allows her eyes to open, all-too-aware of those that are, once again in the span of a half hour, watching her closely. She meets Marlene’s apologetic gaze and purses her lips with a slow shake of her head.

“Merlin, not even an hour back and I’ve already managed to quarrel with two people. Bloody great start to the year, don’t you think?”

Marlene smiles sympathetically and reaches forward to pat Lily’s hand, “It’ll get better, darling. Mary will forgive you eventually. She’s just – she needs time to heal, that’s all.”

“And she will. She’s a strong one, she is.” Carolina adds as she glares away those still watching with curiosity, “Although I would suggest you steer clear of her for a while unless you fancy being on the receiving end of her wand. Safe to say her anger will be a driving force behind many curses.”

“You’re definitely not wrong, there.”

 **Gryffindor** **Common Room**

**8:25 PM**

“Summer’s been very kind to Miranda Fraser.”

Sirius’s voice tears James’s attention from the kindling flames in the fireplace, wrenching him away from the memory of sad, green eyes.

He glances at Sirius and follows his gaze to the far corner of the Common Room, where the Fifth year girls sit huddled in a circle of giggles.

Miranda Fraser, the Scottish bird in question, certainly has changed over the break, and James can’t help but agree with Sirius’s assessment of summer’s kindness. Her once rounded, childlike face has narrowed to maturity, sharpening her cheekbones, highlighting her petite nose, and her shirt seems tighter in the chest. Her legs stretch on for ages as she leans back against Emmeline Vance’s armchair, short skirt riding up her thighs suggestively.

He watches as she takes pause in conversation, listens to something her friend says, and then flickers her eyes up to meet his. A small, almost roguish smile flitters on her face as she holds his gaze for a moment longer, eyes very telling in where her thoughts lay, only to turn away and rejoin the banter. 

Sirius turns back to James with a wicked grin and cheekily raises his eyebrows up and down. “Seems to be quite interested in you.” He claps his shoulder and leans in to murmur only for their small group to hear, “What say you, mate? Getting your cock wet may be the answer to all your troubles. And I’m certain Ms. Fraser would be happy to oblige in that endeavour.”

James smirks without feeling as Mary, who had joined them in the Great Hall and kept their company as they returned to the tower, gasps indignantly. “Merlin, Black, have some respect. Must you be so vulgar?”

Sirius remains by James side but responds in kind with a tight tone, “McDonald, you’re still here, are you?”

“Oi,” Peter interjects as he glances up from the chessboard that sits between him and Remus, “Don’t be rude, mate. I invited her to sit with us.”

“Then tell your little friend to mind her own business.”

Mary huffs as she falls back against the cushion with her arms crossed, “I can hear you, you know. And I refuse to sit here and listen to you disrespect women like that. We’re more than just objects for you to use for your pleasure.”

Sirius pulls away from James and gives her a scathing look, “Well, I don’t much care for your opinion. If you insist on using us as placeholders for your shitty mates then you’ll learn to keep your judgments to yourself. I won’t sugar-coat my words to pacify your delicate, female ears.”

“Gods, you’re such a dick.”

“Merlin, Sirius,” Remus sighs tiredly, “No need to attack Mary for having highly justified views against your own, which are quite frankly offensive and filthy.”

“They aren’t wrong, mate.” James adds with a grimace and a shrug, “And you well know that Mum would flay you if she heard you speaking like this.”

“Oh, bollocks to you all.” Sirius falls back against his seat with a roll of his eyes and stretches out his legs to lay in Remus’s lap. “I’m feeling very attacked at this moment.” Remus, without removing his attention off the chessboard, simply pushes them off and plays his move.

“And just so you are aware,” Mary continues, “Not _all_ of my mates are shitty.” And then quietly, “Just the one, really.”

“Yes, yes, we _know._ ” Sirius groans as he rubs a tired hand across his face, “Evans is the devil’s incarnate hiding behind the façade of a sweet, deceitful face. We heard your tirade over dinner, McDonald.” He pauses, drops his hands and gives James a pointed look, “Although I will say that this is one opinion I wholeheartedly agree with you on.”

James stiffens as he brings his eyes back to the fire, all too aware of Sirius’s opinions of the girl that had him strung in her claws for near-on three years. It was the foundation of many an argument he and his best mate would quarrel over.

“Truthfully, I think you two are being a bit harsh.” Remus says with a rub of his neck, conscious that he is in the minority of the belief within the group at the moment. “That isn’t to say she hasn’t wronged you in the past from what you’ve told us, Mary, and I won’t pretend to know everything that had gone down between you two, but Lily is one of the most kind-hearted people I know. The way I see it, she was simply conflicted regarding a friend she’s had since childhood, as horrible as he is, and she dealt with the situation in the wrong way. She hasn’t a mean bone in her body, really.”

Sirius barks out a laugh, “I think our friend James here would beg to differ, Moony, or do you need a reminder of all the awful things she said to him throughout the years?”

“To be fair,” James interjects tiredly despite his best efforts to stray from any conversations regarding Lily Evans, “I had asked for it more times than not.” 

“Right you are,” Remus agrees without a shred of apology in his tone. “If you ask me, Lily has a reactive personality. It isn’t in her nature to passively receive without giving back just as well.”

“Well, that isn’t the case with Snape, as we all know.” Mary grouses. “She literally ignored all the signs up until his actions directly affected her.”

“Like I said,” Remus shrugs, “She was conflicted because she had ties to him from her childhood. Doesn’t make it right, but I don’t blame her for trying to hold on to that as long as she could. Can’t say any of us wouldn’t do just as much in the name of loyalty if we were in her place.”

“As riveting as this conversation is,” James mutters, having reached his limit for the night, “can we perhaps talk about something else? This is putting a damper on the mood, and I for one would like to enjoy our first day back.”

“Hear, hear,” murmurs Peter with a contrite smile at James. Sirius snorts but heeds his request, turning his attention back to the group of Fifth years in the corner.

Mary, with a huff, sits back and begins to twirl a strand of her through her finger as she glares darkly into the fire, and James can’t help but think that perhaps she is acting somewhat juvenile about the whole thing, even though he, himself, is holding a fair bit of resentment to the same person in question.

Just then, as though summoned by the very conversation they just put to bed, the portrait swings open and admits Marlene McKinnon, deep in exchange with Carolina DeBonnet, with Lily Evans trailing in behind, eyes trained to the ground and seemingly deep in thought.

The noise in the Common Room drops as the occupants turn to stare, no doubt in remembrance of the rows that had taken place early on in the evening, and Lily’s head snaps up at the fall in volume. A reddening blush rises from her chest to the apples of her cheeks as she glances around nervously, and Marlene, noting her friend’s discomfort, reaches back to grab her hand. Lily eventually lands her gaze right on James who, like the rest of the room, watches her intently from his perch by the fire.

Their eyes hold, almost like a string forcing their heads in each other’s direction, and she swallows uneasily as a small, almost infinitesimal smile graces her lips. His heart, the traitorous bastard that won’t stop betraying him, jumps at the sight and he quickly looks away.

From his peripheral view, he sees Lily break off from Marlene and Carolina as they head towards a couple of empty seats, slowly walks towards what he assumes is the staircase, and just as he begins to think her presence will soon be gone does his best mate open his big, fat gob and ruins that likelihood.

“Oi, Evans, seems you’re quite popular this evening. Can’t say I’m surprised, what with your sunny disposition and all.”

Sirius’s tone comes off as sarcastic, mocking, but James can read his best mate better than anyone else, and detects the undercurrent of sting in his words. It’s no surprise, really. While his and Lily’s banter often toed the line between tease and ire, Sirius and Lily more often than not exchanged words filled with antagonism and borderline hatred.

He is all too aware that Sirius’s anger at the girl is a result of his own misfortunate feelings for her, and this is Sirius’s way of showing his loyalty to James, but somewhere along the line that loyalty had changed course to a genuine dislike of her.

James drops his face in his hands and prepares himself for a row, third one tonight in which Lily partakes, and feels his heart hammer painfully in his chest.

“Really not in the mood, Black.” She simply replies, and her lack of fight and the weary, nearly guarded tone causes him to instinctively swivel around in surprise.

Sirius chuckles darkly as he shakes his head, “Not in the mood to make more enemies then, are you? You’ve already turned most of your Housemates against you. Matter of fact, you’ve managed to turn own friends against you.” He tilts his head towards Mary, who sinks deeper into the cushions and avoids the surprised glance Lily sends her way.

Her surprise quickly transforms into a visible hurt, but she quickly masks it before anyone catches it. “That’s none of your business. If you’ll excuse me.” She turns to continue her flight to the staircase, but Sirius’s voice stops her once again.

“If it’s any consolation, Evans, that was quite a performance in the Entrance Hall earlier this evening. About time you dropped that slithering bigot and joined the rest of us sane-minded people.”

Her body goes taut for a quick moment before she spins around and fixes him with a glare. “I don’t need your bloody approval, Black. Don’t you have anything better to do than to taunt me into a row? Merlin, you’re insufferable.” She glances around the room once more and turns away, quickly disappearing into the darkness of the stairwell.

Remus turns to Sirius, noting his pleased grin, and roughly shoves him off his seat, “You really are a dick, mate. She’s had it rough already today, couldn’t you leave her well enough alone?”

Sirius guffaws loudly, unaffected by his unceremonious fall, and picks himself off the ground. With a stretch of his back, he shrugs at Remus and says, “Not my fault she’s so easily ruffled. She just makes it so much fun.”

James just rolls his eyes and sits back in his armchair. He fights the urge to berate his mate for his actions, but he’s promised himself he’d stay away from Lily Evans, even if that means watching as others kick her while she’s down. And as much as he hates himself for it, coming to her rescue, even in her absence, will only keep him down the rabbit hole he’s inhabited for the better part of his Hogwarts years so far.

In so far that he’s claimed to be over it, over her, he very well knows that’s not the case, not by a long shot, and the way his body, his heart, had reacted to her very presence today is evidence enough of that fact.

The rabbit hole is essentially still his prison, and he’s determined to claw his way out of it, one way or another, and that starts tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Sirius is an absolute dick in this chapter, and he will remain so for a while, but I've always been under the impression his and Lily's friendship was a slow, painful development, and he never really cared for her because of her treatment of James in the past. So it'll take him a while to get over his misplaced anger I think!! 
> 
> We've gotten off to an angsty start, but in my mind Lily would struggle a bit after all of the changes the years have brought, and this is only the beginning of her struggles. But there will be lots of happy, fluffy moments - I assure you of that! 
> 
> Anyway, hope you've enjoyed it. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!


End file.
